Laura 322/365
Photo taken in Leavenworth, Washington, March 2010.
I realize now that I used to have a sort of underlying arrogance. I used to
have a "that would certainly never happen to me," type of mentality. Or
maybe it was an "I'm too good for that," mentality. Whatever it was, it's
gone.
I never thought the term verbally abusive marriage would apply to my life
either; but it does. So does the term emotionally abused wife. I had a *
very* hard time admitting this to myself this year. I guess I thought I was
so smart and "that would certainly never happen to me."
You know, I used to wonder how women could find themselves in these
situations, but I don't wonder anymore. I am a strong,
independent, capable, woman. I work in family law for frick's sake. I should
have seen the signs. But I didn't. I see them now though.
I still have a hard time admitting it. I sometimes wonder if I'm
overreacting and maybe things really aren't that bad. But two counselors
have confirmed what I already know deep in my heart, things are that bad.
5 comments:
Laura - I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I've always been a strong woman, passing judgement on other women and what they put up with. Then it happened to me (emotionally abusive marriage)and people passed judgement on me.
I ended up getting divorced - it was scary and painful but ended up being the best decision ever.
Sending you positive energy and *hugs* Hang in there.
Laura, I could have written your words. I grew up witnessing a highly verbally and emotionally abusive marriage, and I thought I would easily be able to spot it and steer clear of it in my own life. The problem is, sometimes it's so covert and sneaky that you wonder if that's really what's happening. One day you figure out that you are but a shell of your former self and you are dying inside, and you know for a fact that something is wrong.
You know what is happening, listen to that little voice. She knows best.
I too used to say things like "she should just leave the S.O.B." when hearing about abused women. While I've never been hit physically, I know the emotional pain and I also know how freaking hard it is to just leave. I will NEVER say that again in the tone that it's such an easy thing to do. I know what my heart and mind wants to do, and I'm so very close to doing it, but I'm struggling to pull the figurative trigger.
We're here for you.
Laura, it's so hard to believe when you're in it that it's happening to you... it happened to me, someone with an advanced degree, lots of friends, great job, who would be so stupid??
You do what you have to do to survive. You'll make the right decision, have confidence. You're not stupid, you're not bad and you didn't bring this on yourself. You will survive and thrive. I did. Best of luck.
This kind of thing tends to sneak in, sneak up on the strongest, brightest and most confident of women. You don't realise the doubt in yourself that grows micro-millimeter by micro-millimeter. Perhaps the abuser doesn't even realise he or she is being abusive? In any event, if you are realising this is happening to you, now is the perfect time to decide that it's not good enough for you, and do what you can to change the situation. You have the strength to do that! Bex
@ Karen - squeeze that trigger, lady! Bex
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