Sarah 365/365

I could so easily have broken this year, at times I felt like I had cracked into a thousand pieces. I was more afraid this year than I think I have ever been before. There are so many reasons I did not break apart and lie in a puddle on the floor, one of them is Envisage, all of you. Each and every one of you held me up when I felt like sinking.

I wanted to create a space for women to feel supported, accepted and loved. I think we have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have succeeded, we have all succeeded.

You women helped save my life this year, I am eternally fucking grateful.

Sarah 364/365

After getting Jacelyn all squared away I took Miss Alice to the theatre to see Cats and Dogs, The Revenge of Kitty Galore. I was secretly pleased that I got glasses to wear as I was able to doze off with out being suspected. Utter exhaustion you have stayed too long.

Just look at her eyelashes would you??

Sarah 363/365

This picture is seriously like soft core porn for me. The arms, the back, the neck...oy.

Excuse me for a moment.

Sarah 362/365

I did not take ANY pictures at Travis birthday party last night. *slaps head*

So you get a picture of the outhouse by the cabin. It was really quite comfortable to use. :)

Sarah 361/365

Sitting in Ethans car talking.

Sarah 360/365

I got new jeans, I really love them but they are a size too big, I need a belt.

Sarah 359/365

Driving away from him is so hard. I think once you find home you don't ever want to leave it.

Sarah 358/365

I got my new glasses, Travis says they make me look like an owl. I say I look awesome. I win.

Sarah 357/365

The Boy is awesome.

Sarah 356/365

Today is a hard day, I burst into tears at work, felt like a failure for not giving my children the father figure they needed. I was out of my meds for three days. It was scary, I watched that girl creep back, I didn't like her and I felt powerless to make her go away.

I have a refill on my meds now, I am better and that girl has been safely locked back into her room, I don't want her anywhere near me again.

Sarah 355/365

Early Saturday morning with my coworkers.

Sarah 354/365

Working, it's hot.

Sarah 353/365

The morning after and still cute!

Sarah 352/365

I can no longer deny it. Travis wins, I'm a motherfucking girly girl.

Sarah 351/365

Today I am exhausted. I am so behind. I have a day off tomorrow but I am
planning to wake up early to get coffee and get a quiet jump start on my
Envisage workload.

All I know for sure? You ladies and all of our future participants are
totally fucking worth it. I love each and every one of you.

Sarah 350/365

This sweet little man asked me last night if his Daddy tried to make me die. Someone has heard things I didn't want him to hear from someones mouth. I won't lie to him, so I told him yes, that Daddy was very sick and he couldn't think right, but that he was very sorry and wished he hadn't done that.

Someday Little Eli will have questions for Robert, hard questions that he has a right to ask. I hope Robert has helped himself enough by that time to give his child the answers he deserves.

Sarah 349/365

Sunday morning at around 4am. It was a tough one, mostly because of my caption from the day before. It caused trouble, quite a bit of it in fact.

I love him and it hurts me to see him hurt, I will do anything to make it not happen again.

Sarah 348/365

Please, ask me any questions you have, I will answer them with an honest heart and good intentions. Don't ask me questions that you already know the answers too, and don't ask them assuming I don't understand that you are only trying to get under my skin.

Most of all, don't fucking ask me questions in front of my boy when you know the answer you are going to get is one that is going to be hurtful to a little man who loves his daddy and misses him terribly. No, he doesn't go stay at his dads house, he doesn't get to hug him, or tell him that he loves him because he's in jail, and you fucking knew it before the words came out of your mouth.

And don't think I faltered before I answered out of shame. There is nothing for me to be ashamed about. I faltered because I was not sure you wanted me to get into it in front of your daughter. This is not the way to start a new relationship, it just isn't.

Edit:

My assumption was she knew about the situation based on other things that have been said in the past. I think I was wrong. I am leaving the caption up as it stands because when I posted it yesterday this was what I was feeling, and it hurt and I was angry. Now I am only sad that I made an assumption that was wrong and hurt someone else. Ugh, can anyone say clusterfuck?

Sarah 347/365

My favorite sweatpants, Ric left them here when he came for three weeks this winter. I wear them all the time and have never been more comfortable. 3 sizes too big and half the right leg missing, I really love them.

Sarah 346/365

It's Aji! He's cutting Jacelyns hair tomorrow!