Laura 323/365

Leavenworth, Washington, March 2010. The sign on the garage says: "Welcome
Super Moms"

It started with an argument. The group of local Down Syndrome moms that I
belong to was planning an overnight trip to Leavenworth. One of the moms
owns a vacation home there and we were going to have our own getaway
retreat . A bunch of the other moms were going and I was so excited. It
sounded like a lot of fun!

I mentioned it to my husband, telling him how excited I was. I never imaged
it would be a big deal. Who wouldn't support their wife when such an
opportunity presents itself? I never imagined he would oppose the trip with
such vehemence. Why wouldn't something like this be ok? I never imagined
that we would get into a screaming match over it. What's to argue about? I
never imagined that during the screaming match he would become so enraged
that he would bring his hands up around my neck and choke me. No man
has ever laid a hand on me before. I never imagined that the simple act of
me wanting to go away overnight with a group of other moms who have kids
with Down Syndrome would result in me leaving my husband.

I never imagined.

You know what else I never imagined? I never imagined I'd go back.

I have thought long and hard about it before posting this, but it is my
reality; so there you go. This is why I haven't been on Envisage for the
past few months. It has been turbulent and chaotic and also depressing and
embarrassing. I am not proud of some of my choices. Sometimes I wonder if I
was too weak for going back. We are in counseling at the moment, and I don't
know what the future holds.

You know what though? I fucking went to fucking Leavenworth you
fucking asshole! So don't you ever tell me what I can and can't do! And do
not ever lay one fucking hand on me like that again!