Sarah 198/365
He would give up anything to be able to do this with you right now, it breaks my heart. Every day we talk about you, and he asks if you are ok. He's worried, it's hard for him.
You tried to take me away from all of my children, Eli would most likely be in Georgia, the girls would be with their Dad, THEIR DAD Robert. I haven't said this to you yet, not in my head, not out loud, not in my dreams, not in my journal, not here.
YOU FUCK. All you had to do was open your motherfucking mouth and speak the words that would tell me how you were feeling, and then stick by it. You had to SPEAK, instead you decided to KILL me. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. This isn't about me, this is about Eli and Jacelyn and Alice, this is about how you fucked up the relationship they had and wanted to have with you, this is about you and your inability to open your coward fucking mouth and SPEAK.
FUCK YOU.
8 comments:
Hang in there, Sarah. I know it sounds trite but you're strong.
AHH those are healing words! Words I've screamed myself. Words that need to be said, you are making progress! I smashed a watch almost 5 years after that a-hole was no longer around. It's a process but rest assured you are making progress! Big hugs!
Thanks Bridget, I am strong and I am making progress.
Robin, it felt good to type those words out, it felt good to say it and mean it. It feels good to know that I am getting to the point where I don't want him in my life anymore. Thank you.
you need to work through this in YOUR own way in YOUR own time... don't let anyone tell you otherwise! there is no right or wrong way to grieve. i happen to think you are an amazing mother and woman (but you already know that) who is doing a tremendous job making a stable and loving life for your children and also your SELF. hang in there mama- YOU ARE DOING IT!
good for you! i've always thought there is a great deal of healing power in getting good and pissed off!
Reading your latest post makes me glad you are beginning to see the light.
Look at you go. Such great progress! You're getting so much stronger. Way to take care of yourself.
I'm glad you have this place to vent Sarah - and I'm glad we can be here for you, in however small a way. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sure I'm not the only one! Bex
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