Bridget 287/365
This is the nursing home where my mom lives. Visiting her there is like a
ride on an emotional roller coaster. There is so much sadness and
frustration on the part of the patients and the loved ones that visit
them. I've seen husbands cry and daughters scream and grandchildren look
frightened of their own grandparents. I find myself thinking about and life
and death (more about death) so much more these days because of spending
time there. I search for dignity and happiness and humor in the lives of
all the patients, and it's on short supply. I want to hug them all and tell
them they're beautiful and surely they must have had a good life. I want to
make them smile, even if its for a second. Most days I just can't wrap my
head around it all. I am either numb or in tears when I leave. I
suppose I will get used to it over time.
Today I sat with my mom in this room while she ate her lunch. She puts on
her own bib and 30% of what she eats ends up in her lap. It takes every
ounce of my strength to not wipe her mouth constantly and let her just enjoy
her food without having to be neat about it. It
is a huge victory that she can even chew and swallow. Then she blew a giant
snot bubble out of her nose and we both got a big chuckle out of that.
It's means the world to me when we have a laugh together.
Sorry for the depressing post; I know you all will understand.
ride on an emotional roller coaster. There is so much sadness and
frustration on the part of the patients and the loved ones that visit
them. I've seen husbands cry and daughters scream and grandchildren look
frightened of their own grandparents. I find myself thinking about and life
and death (more about death) so much more these days because of spending
time there. I search for dignity and happiness and humor in the lives of
all the patients, and it's on short supply. I want to hug them all and tell
them they're beautiful and surely they must have had a good life. I want to
make them smile, even if its for a second. Most days I just can't wrap my
head around it all. I am either numb or in tears when I leave. I
suppose I will get used to it over time.
Today I sat with my mom in this room while she ate her lunch. She puts on
her own bib and 30% of what she eats ends up in her lap. It takes every
ounce of my strength to not wipe her mouth constantly and let her just enjoy
her food without having to be neat about it. It
is a huge victory that she can even chew and swallow. Then she blew a giant
snot bubble out of her nose and we both got a big chuckle out of that.
It's means the world to me when we have a laugh together.
Sorry for the depressing post; I know you all will understand.
8 comments:
My new job is housekeeping at a local nursing home, it's a relatively small one.
I can't even count how many times I have had to hold back tears of frustration with the staff shortages and staff who entered a field willingly that is all about caring for people, and reserving their dignity at all costs, who can't seem to do it. Can't seem to bring themselves to even smile at the residents.
I walk into work with a huge smile on my face, I talk to everyone I pass and I call them by name. I will sit with them in the middle of cleaning their room and talk with them. I joke with them and I laugh with them, I hug them when they need it and I help them in anyway I can. But I can't help them as much as I would like to.
Being a housekeeper who is trained as a nursing assistant isn't easy in a workplace that is understaffed and underpaid with so many employees who don't seem to care. I can't transfer someone to the bathroom even when they have been sitting for over an hour waiting with their call light on with tears in their eyes because they are about to wet themselves. How is that preserving dignity? I can't move them to their bed from their wheelchair after lunch when all they want to do is lay down and take a nap. What I do is help them put their call light on, talk to them and pester the nurses that ***** wants to lay down, needs to go to the bathroom, is trying to get out of bed alone when they aren't supposed to.
The nurses don't exactly like me. I'm not there to win a popularity contest, I don't care if they like me, I don't want them to like me. I want them to do their job, I want them to remember why they entered this field in the first place and I want them to fucking take care of these people, who are funny, smart, beautiful, handsome, who have fought for us, who have had family members die for us, who have placed their trust in us to treat them well, to respect them and to protect their dignity. They've earned it, they deserve it, bottom line.
There are people that get it and there are some people who insist on it.
I love my job, not because I love scrubbing toilets and mopping floors, but because I have an entire building full of people with histories that are fascinating and I get to talk to all of them.
Oh wow Bridge.......I so feel for you. Those places make me so depressed as well and really get me thinking. My heart goes out to all of those people.....That has got to be the hardest thing in the world watching your mom in her condition. Thank god for those "snot bubble" moments that can make you both smile.... ;) xoxox
I'm boo hooing my eyes out. Bridge, do what you can to make a light shine for those folks. You should take your guitar with you one day and just sit down in the dining room and start playing. Play anything and I bet you will have some smiles, some laughter, even if it's just for a moment. Just close your eyes and start playing and dont even think of who is there or what they are saying...just play. It's your gift. Just like Sarah's is to talk with them and laugh and give them moments in their day. One day, it could be one of us. And we will want those moments too. Love you and sorry it hurts. I have a big hug waiting for you here. And you too R2! BTW, I just heard that Absolute has a new flavor called Lemon Drop. My liver just quivered with excitement. See, now you are laughing!
Oh sarah, there should be 100 people like you in every nursing home. I see the same apathy and laziness, frankly, in some of the nurses and my mother has been one of the ones who is in tears while she waits for someone to help transfer her back to bed or change her shitty diaper. As a relative of a patient, I try very hard to know the nurses names, smile at them, bring them treats, and make make myself known to them in the hopes that my friendiless towards them will somehow make them nicer to my Mom. Thank you for your commments. What you do for those residents is priceless. And thanks R2 for your kind words and sympathy. I love you guys.
:-) Bridge
Bridget...you made me cry. Only because I can understand where you are and how you feel. My sister used to be involved in a nursing home and one time she asked me to go with her to call Bingo for them. It was the first time I'd ever been in one. After a while, I just could not take it anymore and I ran out in the parking lot sobbing. And I didn't even know anyone there. I never visited my father in the nursing home - because he was still in a rehab center when I left and when I went back, I was with him in the nursing home for 30 minutes before he died. But I do know from my mom and sister that knowing the nurses and being involved with the staff is key to your mother receiving the highest quality of care possible. I'm sorry for you and your family. My heart is with you.
I remember going to visit my great-grandparents in the same nursing home. It was always a little scary for me.
Not my grandparents, but the place itself. It was a good one, but my grandmothers went every day. My grandmother would barge right back into the laundry room to look for her mother's things. Or demand attention.
One thing I learned through these visits is what a caring family looks like.
And that the woman that roomed with my great-grandmother for awhile had a boyfriend who came to the window at night. ;D
My husband's aunt is a nurse assistant (or some such) in an older folks' home and she is adamant when training new employees not to sign off if they dont' provide the absolute best care. She said she always says, "If this was YOUR LOVED ONE, would you be okay with them receiving the kind of care you've given?"
Big hugs.
Well shit, back to this and crying again. What a bunch of worderful stuff was said and MJ, I LOVE the idea of Bridge just going in and playing her guitar for them. And Sarah, how wonderful that you have all that compassion and kindness to share with them. I'm sure you make a lot of peoples days and F the beotches that snub you. They are just mad cuz you are showing them up.
Our Envisage group sure has a lot of wonderful and caring Beotches huh? Three of which I get to meet in 40 some days!!!!! OMG!!! :)
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