Sarah 32/365
I have been sitting here for twenty minutes looking at a blank screen trying to figure out what the fuck I can write for this days picture. How can I possibly convey what this project means to ME. I don't want to step on toes, I don't want anyone to feel that I am speaking to them directly, or pointing fingers. This is one of the problems I have found with being the creator of Envisage, but also being a contributing member. I censor my feelings on days when bullshit is going down on our group, I don't portray them in my pictures and captions because I need to keep a "professional" facade. It isn't anyone else making me feel this way, I am choosing on those days to censor myself and I will be damned if I am going to try to shuffle the blame for that onto someone else. It's MY choice to censor myself on those days. Just as it's my choice to not censor myself today.
I am pissed off. I have been told that I promote smut. Fuck you. Envisage isn't special anymore? I fucking beg to differ. It's an embarrassment to be associated with this project, then take your embarrassed ass elsewhere, really. I have seen more judgment openly displayed and subtly hinted at here in the first month then I have seen in years and it makes me SICK.
I created this site for you to be you safely, free from childish accusations and passive aggressive bullshit that anyone with a brain can see through. Women are beautiful, in all their forms, in all their anger and sadness and joy, in all their rage. Women are sexual, WE are sexual, and those of us who choose to share are free to share it in this project, free to share it without being told they are less of a woman for it. I don't know if anyone can possibly understand the rage I feel for THOSE women. The absolute anger I feel when being told I promote smut, I promote WOMEN in every way they come.
I do not care if you do not like what you see here, I had a vision and I won't change that vision for a few people who insist on trying to put the beauty of woman in it's place. If you are uncomfortable viewing a picture then skip it, but that feeling of uncomfortableness is YOUR issue, not the issue of the woman posting it, the woman putting it out there, the woman I have vowed to provide a safe place for. It's the internet there is only so much safety I can provide, but within our own group? It's shameful, I am ashamed.
I need to add that there have been a handful of women, and they know who they are (hopefully) that have handled themselves beautifully amongst the shit storm. Thank you all for that.
23 comments:
::applause:: THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
Wow! Go Sarah....you're so friggin awesome!
Ever since my one photo scandal, it's been really difficult to post what I really want to post as my picture of the day. I've been trying to censor myself so as not to offend anyone else again and over-thinking all the pictures and not being motivated to post since I know feel like I have to over-analyze what people will think about my picture before I submit. It's been taking from what I consider a beautiful part of life and the integrity of my folder. And making Envisage less fun in my eyes.
Thank you so much for speaking up. I personally really appreciate it.
Sarah, thank you for staying true to your commitment to keep the project uncensored. I'm sorry that commitment is causing you heartache in the process. I personally appreciate the environment you have created here. In some ways I am more myself here than in other parts of my life. You're doing a GREAT job!!
Is this why Carol changed her last photo? What happened to the comment left on her original photo? I have missed something because I don't follow the group on the Yahoo site. --Sarabeth (Having issues signing in with Google)
WHAT THE FUCK? I clearly haven't been reading into things like maybe I should. Or perhaps ignorance is bliss and I will continue on watching everyone's lives and not let someone elses's view bother me.
Ok, I think I missed something!!! I'm happy to be a part of this project like I already told on the yahoo group before. I'm starting slowly, to not overthink my photograph, and to open myself a little bit more to you girls. I don't care if other women doesn't like my picture. Just look somewhere else. And when you don't like something, don't write comments on it, you may be hurt someone. Thanks Sarah for who you are, and to be true to who you are. And like my mother always told me, if you're not happy with what I say, fuck you ( in french is: mange de la marde de bord! for those who understand french!)
This caption and series of comments alone show the transformative power of the Envisage project.
I don't think it's meant to be static - just 'X number of women posting one photo a day take from it what you will'. It's evolving & speaking & moving through our lives. It changes itself, becomes something new, to each person it touches, with each new photo, each new word.
I don't think it's meant to be silent - the people viewing it (who are, many of us, also a part of it) are meant to interact with the artwork as it grows & unfolds, via discussion in comments, captions, on message boards, with each other & with others in the world, our families, our friends.
I don't think it's meant to be 'just something that you look at online' - we're meant to grow, learn, reflect, transform, because we are a part of it and because we are experiencing it.
So, if a photo that you see or a discussion that erupts because of one of your photos changes how you feel, makes you think differently, or gives you a different perspective, sparks a discussion or even an argument, then, IMHO, the project continues to be doing what it's meant to be doing.
As for safety, Sarah, I think you're doing the best you can do. If people wanted real safety from the opinions of others, the thoughts of others, the words of others, then I'm thinking their best option is to not offer their photos & words up to the open opinions of others - other people who, themselves, have their own journey, their own anger, sadness, joy, point of view, their own uncomfortableness and feelings that they, too, should feel safe to express and discuss if they choose to do so.
I think you're doing fine here, Sarah. I too think that the original vision you had for this project is valid. The approach is good. I like that there is no censoring. None at all. Each person is free to bring what they want to bring -and- react how they want to react -and- interpret and shape this project in their own way for themselves and, if their interpretation or shared view affects others, then for others, too.
I'm happy, every day, to be a part of this project, even on the days when it does make me uncomfortable, make me cringe, make me sad, make me question myself, make me think...
Summer, thank you.
Vixen, post them, if you look at a picture and you decide not to post because of worries about what other people are going to think, then I say POST and let them deal with it. That pictures, to me, is obviously the one that belongs. I want YOU here, all of you. Please post them, if not for you for me.
Bridget, thank you. What did someone say,
"nothing worth doing is easy"
Envisage is worth doing, and I will take everyday of heartache if it means I get to provide an outlet for women to be themselves.
Sarabeth, you're not missing much, honestly.
Marie, that sounds like one of the best plans I have heard in weeks.
Jacinthe, I am so glad you are starting to open yourself up more, I am so glad you are here. Thank you.
Maureen, My only hope is that the GROWN women who are participating in this project can come to understand that discussing an issue with each other is something I WANT them to do. What I don't want to see is women delving into petty personal attacks on each other and acting like babies who have never learned to put a filter on their mouths.
It is in my opinion absolutely ridiculous.
DISCUSS ladies, please, but do it appropriately because each of us has a place here whether you like it or not, each of us has a delete button that is easily used, and I am sure that each of has a friend that we can go to to talk trash if you really feel you need to. Trash talking on board, not fucking cool.
ps. Maureen, you have such a way with words, I love it. Thank you.
Bravo to all the comments!
I hope my 2 cents hasn't caused all the ruckus you refer to, Sarah. I retracted and retreated as fast as possible. :) 365 is a marvelous destination and I appreciate every single photo and the people behind each photo. My 2 cents was only 2 cents - not worth much. Far more valuable words have been written - and should be remembered.
Sometimes life does have less luster and then it passes. It's a dip in spirit. Once it passes, life becomes good again. I often share my sorrows with *trusted* friends with nary an intent to offend. Yesterday was lusterless for me. I was sad. Today is a new day.
I love the integrity of 365 and the women are more precious to me than they might realize.
Thanks, Sarah. I'm glad that I met you.
And, to be completely fair to each of the women who I've met here over the past year or so, it should be noted that some might feel that it is just as necessary in life to filter what you share visually as it is to filter what you share in words.
And, it's OK to talk about that - about how it makes you feel, how it affects your life, how you came to that place. And, it's OK for others to enter into a discussion with you about that. You, alone, decide what you're going to take away from those discussions and what you're going to contribute.
If we each keep in mind that there's another human being on the other side of the keyboard, with their own set of life experiences that may be radically different from our own - both when we're feeling the need to say 'Hey, that makes me uncomfortable' -and- when another person feels the need to tell us the same thing, then I think we're good.
Hear hear. I was initially attracted to (year 1) and drawn in again (year 2) by the spirit of this project and I applaud and thank you, Sarah, for maintaining that in the face of adversity.
That was my first thought. My second thought is that, seeing as the Internet is pretty much free grounds for expression, those who are unhappy with the spirit of this particular photo project are more than free and welcome to create their own and mold it to their own preferences.
And that's all I'm sayin'.
Oh, and, for the record, I don't think the words that people say or the pictures that they choose to post should be censored or filtered by anyone but themselves. And, I think that learning to filter or to take off filters may very well be something that a person takes away with them, after viewing or being a part of this ever evolving artwork. Just as, for others, the lessons may lie in learning how to navigate themselves & their own psyches in an unfiltered world.
Now, off to powder my vagina ;-)
I feel a sense of responsibility for your anger, Sarah, and for that I am truly sorry. I should never have voiced my opinion and done what others have said - viewed a pic and then moved on. A more appropriate response would have been to comment on how disturbing and sad the picture was. Like I said in a response to others....even though I was upset...I really am not FOR censorship. I was having an emotional day and that was probably more the cause of my feelings than anything else. You rock..this project is one of the highlights of my days....and on some days...THE highlight of my day. Please, please forgive me for causing you to doubt anything about Envisage. I am honored to be a part of it.
Andrea: The onus is on me - not you. You wrote nothing wrong. I concur 100% with these words you just posted.
You rock..this project is one of the highlights of my days....and on some days...THE highlight of my day. Please, please forgive me for causing you to doubt anything about Envisage. I am honored to be a part of it.
Hey! You want to TP Sarah's place tonight? :)
I missed whatever happened - I don't get much tme to keep up with the yahoo group.
I am so sorry your are taking flack for what has become to me a very important part of my life. I was flailing around, needing something to make me think creatively outside of my job and whomp! This opportunity came along. I really appreciate your vision, and that you are so dedicated to it.
Here's the thing - I love the idea of this project and over the last few days, have completely ignored some of the passive aggressive behaviors on the mailing list, because I feel like it's honestly tainting the awesomeness (I don't care if that's a word or not) of this project.
If you feel like censoring yourself or you can't handle looking at these pictures or you can't handle the captions or a picture someone else takes to represent their life and their day, then don't fucking bother participating.
For the most part, I think everyone participating in this project is doing a remarkable job of capturing their day, their life, and what they want to be able to go back and look at a year from now. This project is beautiful in that way.
For people who take someone else's picture or captain personally, I guess it just makes me think of something I've been abiding by for years. The world does and will go on without you. Not everything revolves around you and not everything is directed towards you.
Earlier today, I was considering dropping out of this project based on the various email chains re: censoring, but then I decided I'd be censoring myself. (definition of censoring).
And fuck anyone for making me even get to that point. I'm posting what I want, when I want, and captioning it how I want with no regard to anyone but me. That's how this project, in my opinion, should run.
(Sorry to hijack the comments, Sarah...)
Amen sister.
Huh -- my comment from earlier isn't showing up. Well, I missed what was going on to but caught up on the yahoo boards. Kind of makes me wish I didn't look. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes, right??? ;-)
Early I just said thank you, Sarah, for doing this awesome project and taking the time to get us all posted and updated every day. It must be a lot of work. You made your vision quite clear from the get-go so I am surprised that suddenly people thought it should be something different.
If (from what I gather) this is about the cat picture, I think that is absurd. Of course most people don't *like* seeing a dead cat, but that is what we encounter some days. Along with all the other pleasant and unpleasant things we see in life. It is life. And Envisage is meant to capture all of it, not just the pretty stuff we encounter everyday. Good, bad, pretty, gorgeous, silly, fun, funny, sad, ugly and life AND death. That is what we live. Thank you, Sarah, for providing such a great forum for we women to share what we do and see in life every single day. We are fortunate to have you running the show and keeping us going.
You know, before the project started, I found myself really overwhelmed with all the discussion on the Yahoo group - so much so that I almost decided not to participate. I thought about it and realized that I'm doing this for me and so I'm just going to concentrate on that. I had no idea how much I would *LOVE* looking at everyone else's photos. I love ALL of them. I love learning about everyone through their images and I mean ALL the images.
I wholeheartedly agree with Sarah and everything she said. If you have issues with a photo someone posted, then that is *YOUR* issue. I am not in this for drama, or to be judged by other women. I'm here to be creative, learn about others, see things from a new perspective, and capture some special memories of this year. -Shannon
Thanks for staying true to the project, Sarah. Not only when people question others' photos, which is bound to happen at times, but when (maybe especially when) we are unsure of our own.
I really like that this groups is set up so that anyone can post whatever they feel represents them that day.
I am probably always going to post really tame pictures, but I wouldn't want to be censored (or made fun of for what I do post!) I appreciate all you do Sarah, thank you.
I love the fact that you don't censor anyone! I say that not just because my post for Friday has a sex toy in it, but because it was clearly stated it would not be from day one. This project is exactly what it claims to be, life viewed through the eyes of many different women. Sometimes that life is happy, sometimes sad, and sometimes it is offensive.
There have been pictures posted that made me laugh, made me cry, made me go aww, and even made me angry but I wouldn't change a single post.
I'm honored to be involved and share my life with everyone here.
i'm new to the project.. but i love what it stands for. like sarah said, it stands for freedom, power, openness and creativity. i havent seen any pictures here that feature anything inappropriate (i've been scrolling back and back and back to catch up. lol). call me a liberal, but if you cant be open and accepting of what these other beautiful women have to say...maybe this isnt the project for you?
don't rain on the newbie please! just my measly 2 cents!
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